By That Great Glory, Driven Wild
Heaven and Earth out of their places,
That in the Same calamity
Brother and brother, friend and friend,
Family and family,
City and city may contend,
By that great glory driven wild."
- William Butler Yeats from "A Woman Young And Old"
One day, the Wizard,
seeing me as a rag doll
thrown amidst a pile
of furniture - in my father’s
driveway
(set out on the curb)
took out my heart
and consumed it
like Kronos
- and
replaced my heart
(with nimble fingers)
with a heart
that was
born to fight
spider-like fingers
peeled cords and
attached them to
my brain and my
soul and bypassed
fear so that I might
feel it - yet transcend
he sent me - hard scrabble
down the road of
bricks - to stand as
a pebble against the
ocean
I bear the scars
of travel - threadbare
and path worn
like a jagged stone
smoothed by the
rush of water
I fought my way
across the states
not content to
stand in patriarchal
footsteps - tied with
matriarchal strings
leaving Arizona tore
my heart in two - the
enchanted axe
my mother’s failings
six winters in Illinois
and the tinsmith
replaced my heart
with a hollow chest
- ring a ling ding-dong
the snow rusting
against my metal
skin - hardened by
resolve
“I seek passage,”
handing the gold
token to the
ferryman
- turning
to face me -
he answered me
in cyclones and
micro-bursts
“Seek your path
to the East,
the East,”
he placed a skeletal
hand upon my
shoulder and wept
for the reckoning
to come
I came out
from the murky
darkness,
out of that
deadened place
with an impetus
- a fragment
of an identity
to write - a
writer
I must write
with all the
blood and sand
of me -
I will write
though I might
be torn down
- beaten sometimes
I will rise once
more to slip
the subjugation and
renew the challenge
A bully from the
projects met me
after school to
teach me to fight
stood there - blocking
the sun, said “Run
at me.” he was
bigger, faster
I ran at him
he deftly moved
to one side
grabbing my arm -
tossed me face
first into the
grass
Laughing there
(still blocking the
sun - like Mt.
Parnassus)
said that
said that
was my first lesson
- tried to say
it - when I ran at
him again
this time he
flipped me
- completely -
landed hard
on my back,
the air forced
out of my lungs
by impact
“Determined
little fucker”
he said
I ran at
him again and
was tossed down
again - blood on my
forehead/mixed with sweat
blinded me - temporarily
I followed his
jackal laugh
and ran at him
again
and again
and again
as the sun fell to
dusk
he sat down
upon the grass
catching his breath
as I crawled after
him when he said
“Enough,
enough”
as we laid on our
backs breathing
heavy - he laughed
and then I laughed
he helped me limp
back to my house
to wash the blood
and grass off my
face
He said “you’re going
to do okay.” He knew
that living in the
Government Housing
handicapped you
in the eyes of your
peers - and that you’d
better be damned
determined or one
tough bastard to
find light in the
shadows
his name was Pete
and he knew about
shadows - he lived
in his father’s
guilt - manslaughter
on a bridge
and his own
“hard fighting,
time in jail”
reputation
deep down he
knew he’d never
make it out - but
he saw that I
could. I’ll never
know how many
battles he fought
for me
as I could not
understand - then -
why he told
me to “fuck off”
when there was
a party with
drugs - he didn’t
want me to fall
into the shadows
he believed if I
he believed if I
could shine he
could catch some
of that light
I carry him with
me - as I carry
all those who helped
me or tried to
guide me - they run the
gears in my mind
push the pen to
the page -
wake me
from slumber at
3am to jot down
and idea
and I know
I do not toil
in obscurity
