Supporting Characters in The People's Republic of Retail

From my novel, "The People's Republic of Retail": Mega-Mart, like every retail establishment I have worked in, is full of colorful supporting characters. Let me introduce you to a few of them. Note - their repetitive images are indicative of the struggle to retain one's personal identity in an economic system that, by its very nature, is designed to blur the lines and blunt the edges of personal individuality.

The Royal Henley's from my novel "The People's Republic of Retail" - The Royal Henley's, named after their team leader Royal Henley, comprise Mega-Mart's main workforce. Their striped shirts are indicative of their divided loyalties. They will follow any charismatic leader and their promises no matter how false or outlandish.

This is The Night Shift from my novel "The People's Republic of Retail" - they have unfortunately been the focus of certain rumors. Just because they are never seen in the daylight - never pass in front of mirrors - and have an aversion to garlic - ...does not in any way mean they are vampires, does it?

Kessler & Marvin from my novel "The People's Republic of Retail" - Eric George (main character) perceives them as literally muppets - complete with 4 fingers on each hand. They are Mega-Mart's maintenance crew.

Mega-Mart's Russian Floor Crew in my novel "The People's Republic of Retail". They serve as the muscle for the revolution. They are meant to resemble Russian nesting dolls.

The Three Fates aka The Apparel Ladies from my novel "The People's Republic of Retail" - they warn the main character - Eric George, that his revolution will lead to "betrayal and destruction."

The HappySweatyFunTime Squad are four young Japanese assassins that M.Alice uses as her shadow force when she makes her power grab.

From my novel "The People's Republic of Retail": Robert E. (anagram of Erebor) Bauchus is in charge of shipping at Mega Mart. He is a "greedy worm" that hordes boxes & packing material to such an extent that most of the time you can't get into his office - which is exactly what he prefers. The only problem is that the main electrical power center can only be accessed through his office. In order to shut down the power, Eric George must find a way to trick Bauchus out of his lair.

Wilkie Perkins. Don't let his genial personae fool you. Many terrible crimes have been committed by people who look just like him. He was a "Welcomer" at Mega Mart. Despite being a scoundrel, he becomes the catalyst of the "Retail Revolution" when he is fired for calling out once too often to be with his cancer stricken wife.

The Sorrowful Tale of Nikolai Turgidprosnikov

From my novel, "The People's Republic of Retail":

Nikolai Turgidprosnikov

1822-1880

NikolaiTurgidprosnikov

Born in the shadow of the Ural Mountains, his family made their living by selling wolf's milk. His early experiences in the family trade resulted in the loss of three fingers from his left hand. In 1835 His mother was kidnapped by a renegade band of Cossacks. His father set out in search of her but was mauled to death by a bear. The 13 year old Turgidprosnikov was sent to a military school in St. Petersburg.

In 1848 he participated in the Moloshnivic Conspiracy. The participants had planned to assassinate Tsar Nicholas I with Moloshnivic Cocktails - the precursor to the Molotov cocktail. However, the Moloshnivic Cocktails were considered substandard owing to the fact that Moloshnivic Vodka was so diluted with water as to render it completely nonflammable.

For his part in the conspiracy - Turgidprosnikov was sentenced to 10 years in Siberia. He suffered terrible degradation - bad food - exposure to the elements, and that was just the train ride there.

During this time he began work on his novel "The Ceaseless Winter". After serving only 7 years of his sentence he was released and promptly met & married a Siberian peasant named Mishna. Three years later, tragedy came to call when Mishna who was only 14 at the time suffered a miscarriage when she tried to carry the finished manuscript (15,998 pages) to her husband's study. She died 3 days later.

The grief stricken husband was charged with murdering his wife and was sentenced to another 15 years hard labor.

"The Ceaseless Winter" was released to biting reviews from the few critics that managed to navigate the colossal narrative. One European reviewer stated that his sympathies lay with "the forests of trees felled for this bloated and joyless drivel."

During the period of his second imprisonment (1858-1875) he worked on a new novel called "Cold & Sorrow". Upon his release he carted off the half completed manuscript (30,968 pages) in a trolley he had constructed in the prison workshop.

Ext: Prison Courtyard - Siberia

Flurries of snow whip about. A Cold wind howls. The color palette is white - black - and shades of grey.

Turgidprosnikov is pulling a trolley with an enormous stack of papers that are lashed in place with a crude rope. He moves slowly - straining with the huge load. The guards watch him from the high walls. Suddenly a wheel breaks and a gust of wind disperses the manuscript throughout the courtyard. The guards laugh and curse in Russian.

Turgidprosnikov (grim faced and visibly in pain) begins gathering the papers one by one.

At 53 he married again - Katya (12 years old). Turgidprosnikov suffered from many ailments including: epilepsy - consumption - gout - pleurisy - syphilis (contracted in prison) - lumbago - alcoholism - hemorrhoids - rheumatism - arrhythmia - high blood pressure - glaucoma - and acute hypochondria.

In 1880 an increasingly paranoid Nikolai Turgidprosnikov became convinced that at 58,137 pages - he had written himself into a corner. In a vodka induced rage he set fire to his manuscript which resulted in an inferno that soon consumed the house killing Katya. Turgidprosnikov was severely burned and crawled into the forest where he died of hypothermia several days later.

Only "The Ceaseless Winter" survives but is rarely carried by bookstores because of its enormous girth. Very few readers make it through the novel. The most notable - Thomas Pynchon, could not be reached for comment.

Rough Draft of Nikolai Turgidprosnikov

Nikolai Turgidprosnikov is a composite of three photographs - chopped together and painted over using Micosoft Paint. I used a photo of Dostoevsky for his face, his hat is Tolstoy's, and I used Vladimir Lenin's eyes after he had the stroke.

Visit his Facebook page here.

PKD Multiple Choice Quiz

 

1. What type of currency is used in The Three Stigmata of Palmer Eldritch?

A. Credits B. Truffle Skins  C. Silver Coins

2. What was PKD's favorite Brian Eno album?

A. Discreet Music B. Apollo C. Another Green World

3. What was the name of PKD's twin sister?

A. Julie Anne B. Stephanie C. Jane Charlotte

4. What year and for what novel did PKD win the Hugo Award?

A. 1978 A Scanner Darkly 

B. 1968 Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep 

C. 1963 The Man In The High Castle 

5. What does the term "japed" mean? 

A. Practical Joke B. Steal C. Vandalize

6. What year was PKD's Rolling Stone interview?

A. 1982 B. 1975 C. 1979

7. What famous underground comic book artist portrayed PKD?

A. Robert Crumb B. S. Clay wilson C. Trina Robbins

8. Who wrote the best known biography on PKD?

A. Jonathan Lethem B. Lawrence Sutin C. Barry Miles

9. What was the name of PKD's only children's book?

A. Small Gods B. Tales of Pirx The Pilot C. Nick The Glimmung

10. 1972's We Can Build You, features a simulacrum of what U.S. President?

A. Stanton B. Lincoln C. Garfield

All Retail Employees Are Equal - But Some Are More Equal Than Others

From my novel, "The People's Republic of Retail": In a scene eerily similar to this one from "Animal Farm"

... Eric George and M.Alice lay out the rules for the New Utopia Store. 

Utopia's 10 Edicts

(M.Alice reads them off. Eric George is putting on the finishing touches with a can of Neon Green spray paint)

1. NO UNIFORMS

2. NO PROPAGANDA MEETINGS

3. SOURCE LOCAL

4. CHEAPER IS NOT ALWAYS BETTER

5. NO SCHEDULE CHANGE WITHOUT CAUSE

6. PUSH THE HEALTHY ITEMS

7. OFFICES ALWAYS OPEN

8. JOB SECURITY

9. STRENGTHEN THE COMMUNITY

10. EQUAL PAY FOR ALL

After M.Alice takes over and transforms into "Mary Alice", she decides to institute a few "changes".

DYStopia's 10 EDICTS

1.    UNIFORMS (M.Alice gets a cheap deal on wool uniforms from Kazakhstan)

2.               MEETINGS 4 X DAILY

3. SOURCE GLOBALLY

4. CHEAPER IS     ALWAYS BETTER

5.    SCHEDULES CHANGE WITHOUT CAUSE

6. PUSH THE SNACK CAKES

7. OFFICES CLOSED

8. THERE IS NO JOB SECURITY

9. STRENGTHEN THE COMPANY

10. EQUAL PAY FOR ALL LOWER CASTE ASSOCIATES

Hey, I gotta eat...

Merchandising Opportunities for: The People's Republic of Retail

Happy Sweaty Fun Time Button = $5 American Capitalist Dollars

Jolly Sticker = $5 American Capitalist Dollars

  

Utopia/Dystopia T-Shirt = $20 American Capitalist Dollars

MEGA-MART Lighter = $5 American Capitalist Dollars

Megamart

Megamart

Four legs good. Two legs bad.

Bill Cox's assistant managers from my novel "The People's Republic of Retail". They attend meetings and shout down opposition with Mega-Mart slogans. Most of them transferred in from the home office located in Dillweed, Texas.

This is Wolfgang Hauptman proposing his idea for "Reich-Mart" to an exuberant Hitler. Instead of a costly military campaign, the wunderkind Hauptman's proposal is to take over the world with large one stop markets that will destroy local economies and enslave workers. However, it is shortly before the end of the war and Hauptman is forced to flee to Dillweed, Texas where he changes his name to "Harry" Balzac and founds Mega-Mart!

Harry Balzac (aka Wolfgang Hauptman) - founder of Mega Mart.

William Augustus Cox - store manager of the Sarasota Mega Mart.

Jolly - First Draft.

Re-design of "Jolly". Micron 01 - 08 + Sharpie on Strathmore Bristol Vellum - then scanned & cropped on my HP Deskjet 1055.

2nd Draft - on Microsoft Paint.

Voila - Here's "Jolly". Jolly is a cartoon character Mega-Mart uses in their commercials and as part of their branding - in order to put a "sunny" sheen over their dark practices.

Meet Jolly - Mega Mart's mascot. Features prominently in television commercials and on the shirt of every Mega Mart "Partner".

Hydrophobia (Poem)

Between October 1977 and February 1980, seven regional floods occur in Arizona and Phoenix is declared a disaster area three times. There are 18 fatalities and approximately $310 million in property damage.

November 1978: Floodwaters virtually destroy the community of Allenville near Buckeye and cause heavy damage in Holly Acres on the Gila River and Hound Dog Acres on the Agua Fria River. The Salt River has a peak flow of 140,000 cubic feet per second. Damage is estimated at $51.8 million.

February 13-25, 1980: Another flood occurs that has the greatest impact on the largest number of residents in Arizona history. 6 storms during 9 days move from the Pacific Ocean into southern California and Arizona. Daily rainfall quantities in Arizona are not extraordinary, but the total volume of runoff far exceeds the available reservoir capacity. The peak discharge of the Salt River is 170,000 cubic feet per second, which is greater than any previous flow since 1905. The flood causes $80 million in damage.

Hydrophobia

my small hand

slid like a fish

from my father's

grasp

I remember

darkness

then light

then the

awful sick

feeling of

water filling

my stomach

and lungs…

my father liked

to swim in the

flumes that carry

water in elevated

tubes above the

creosote &

mesquite trees

of the Arizona

desert

it was a

momentary

fumbling

a slipped knot

from the tether

of childhood

delusions

of safety &

permanence

the water was

a fiend -

smothering

me in the void

a wraith -

dragging

me down

into

suffocating

oblivion

but for all that,

it was the flood of

February 1980

that unleashed

hydrophobia

upon me

like a child

trampled

beneath

horses hooves

the ancient

instinctual

fear of drowning

from amniotic memories

to the cutting

of the cord

the ceaseless

spinning

of the thread

by the Moirae

from birth

to death

the fragile

twine of our

mortality

serrated

I remember

waking in the

darkness...

my father's

panicked

voice...

slipped

from my

bed and

stepped

into water

(my toys

and memories

swept away)

a wrong turn

on a darkened

road

water rushing into

the vehicle

my father fighting

the current

my mother

passing me

to my father

who waded in

again and pulled

my mother out

before the car

was swept away

by the torrent

of water

and we huddled

together on the bank
until dawn

cold and afraid
and we listened as the water
roared past

The man who

owned the zoo

animals

chimpanzees

lions

had to shoot

the poor beasts

rather than

let them drown

I wouldn't

know

that until

I was older

reminiscing

with my

father about

the man

we called

"The Zookeeper"

& how I used

to spend hours

looking into

those cages

the Zookeeper took

in old zoo

& circus

animals

I would hear

a lion roar

across the desert

at night

a wild jungle

of my imagination

swept away

by the hand

of God

After the flood

receded

and we left

the Red Cross

cots behind

and returned

home

I wouldn't take

a shower inside

(claustrophobic

nightmares)

my parents tried

God knows

they tried

but I screamed

and cried

myself hoarse

pale with panic

until my father

could take it

no more

and carried me

outside

with a bar of soap

and we showered

outside

in the hose

under the calm

blue

sky

with the wind

whistling

through the pine

tree

and the smell

of the orange

trees

and my dog

Major

bringing

rocks

for me

to throw

for him

…and the silence

of the lions

and the chimpanzees

and the other

families

of Hound Dog

Acres

who had not

returned

I looked

to my father

his frame

blocking

out the

sun

and I took

my place

in his shadow

and tried

to find

that elusive

path to

the way that

things used to

be

When you are

very young

and very

afraid -

something

in the mind

is broken

or becomes

brittle

and will break

with the 1,000

traumas to come

those stress fractures

become

the anxieties

the irrational

fears

the things

that hold us

back…

I made a separate

peace with the

ocean years

later

bodysurfing

in the storm

driven sea

and as I

tumbled

in the waves

I relaxed

I felt the wounds

that can never

heal

and I felt

the arthritic

ache of

injuries

long forgotten

I thought of

the water

and how I

had once

been afraid

I thought of

my childhood

home and how

it had been

submerged

like Atlantis

and washed

away

like the dusty

memories

of an old man

I thought of

things unspoken

of wrongs

not righted

of the ravages

and distance

of time

how we alight

upon each

others lives

from time

to time

expecting

things

to be the same

- as if time

itself

was something

we could control

looking past the

complexities

of experience

that move us

inexorably

towards

our becoming

and when the

wave had passed

I emerged

from the sea

and stared

across the

wide unknown

sky and imagined

the continents

stretching out beyond

the horizon

and I sat

in the sand

and I began

to feel better

Kingman Daily Miner - February 18, 1980