Saturday, September 16, 2017

"Now With Real Miëht©"


"Now With Real Miëht©"


Merit spat out a spongey lump from the can of chili she had just opened. With disgust, she picked it up and walked over to the sink. What in Christ's name was it? It had the texture of gristle and bone shards wrapped in raw chicken skin. She ran it under the water and slowly a grey hunk began to take shape. She placed it on a paper towel on the counter next to the can opener and stifled her gag reflex. Out of the corner of her eye she even thought she saw it move for a second and shuddered.

After fishing the can out of the garbage, she sat down and began to examine the label.

"Now With Real Miëht©"


A cursory look on her computer showed her that Burgoslenskia was a former Soviet satellite republic. She immediately hopped on Travelocity and called for a car service.

The plane touched down at Burgoslenskia National Airport. The architecture was classic Soviet Brutalism. The sky was grey. The people were grey. Just like the "Miëht©".

After asking several townsfolk and a few government officials, Merit found out that the factory was in the heart of the Petroschank Forest and that it was "off limits".

When she got to the edge of the forest, which was bordered by a rusty fence, she saw several signs that intimated that the forest was an irradiated zone.

Undaunted, Merit pressed on.

She was an experienced hiker and arrived at a clearing a few days later and saw a huge factory. Smoke belched out of several chimney stacks. There was a distinct smell. It smelled like... chili.

Through her binoculars, Merit could see a gargantuan saucer had crash landed near the factory. Wait, that didn't make sense? They must have built the factory after the crash. She had to get a closer look. At dusk she stole down to the edge of the factory and scaled a wall to a skylight that overlooked the factory floor. She saw a gangplank extending from the saucer to a large opening in the warehouse. Two by two, factory workers were carrying humanoid robotic creatures on stretchers out of the craft. On the factory floor itself Merit watched as men used giant can openers to slice through the outer metal shells. Inside were creatures covered in neon green scales. A rope was tied around the feet of each of these aliens and they were lifted off the factory floor and deposited in a great vat of boiling liquid. A conveyor belt ran from the vat and huge lumps of greyish gunk were carried from the vat over to the cannery. The final step was the application of the label "Now With Real Miëht©".

Merit rolled onto her back and breathed heavilly.

She scratched her scalp.

In her hand was a neon green scale.

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